I'm baaaaaaaaaack, and cancer free. What a weird few weeks. Scary shit. Over.
Moving on, Em helped me add a little comical value to my situation. After surgery, I guess it's common (I learned this AFTER) to have some random twitches and spasms, Em laughed and said "Welcome to my world! ha!". We talked about the hate for catheters, stupid nurses who don't know how to put in an IV, and how we love tattoes but hate getting blood drawn.
Amazing how people who aren't blood related can be so related. :)
During my break from blogging, both our Grandmother and my Ex's mother passed away. Both funerals were held the same day, and I was unable to attend because of f'n surgery. Things have been rough. Good thing that hardships can make tougher skin, I think I'm close to leather.
I'll be home in Wisconsin in less than two weeks. I can't wait. I called Em and said hi to the kids, they sure miss thier favorite Aunt. I sure miss all of them too.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Break time
It's necesarry for me to take a short step away from updating this blog as I'm going through some medical issues of my own. Mark my words, as Arnold would say, "I'll be back."
:)
:)
Sunday, May 10, 2009
We're lucky.
Legacy of an adopted child
Once there were two women who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives shaped to make yours one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life, the second taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for Love, the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you the seed for talent, the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first smile, the other dried your tears.
One gave you up, it was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child and was led straight to you.
And now you ask me through your tears the age old question through the years,
"Heredity or environment, which am I the product of?"
Neither my darling, neither,
Just two different kinds of Love.
-Author Unknown
Happy Mothers Day
Once there were two women who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives shaped to make yours one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life, the second taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for Love, the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you the seed for talent, the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first smile, the other dried your tears.
One gave you up, it was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child and was led straight to you.
And now you ask me through your tears the age old question through the years,
"Heredity or environment, which am I the product of?"
Neither my darling, neither,
Just two different kinds of Love.
-Author Unknown
Happy Mothers Day
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Pay it forward.
I'm flabbergasted today. My eyes are swollen from previous tears and I'm still in shock from hours prior. This site was not created to write or comment on anything about me personally, but this ties in to the purpose. I've always been a true believer of Karma, and that good things happen to good people. Today I can truly say that I encountered an angel in my life. Right now I life on Guam and I've been quietly stressed and frusterated trying to make ends meet to get back home to be closer to my family so that I can be around my sister and her kids and help out in any way that I can. Everyone back there knows I had made a decision to move back but Emily doesn't even know that her situation is the sole convincer for that choice. Based on a couple facebook status updates earlier today a lot of people are under the impression something terrible has happenned when in fact it is the extreme opposite.
Family is first, and there is just no other way to put it.
Someone who has requested to remain nameless and not be acknowledged was chatting with me today, and bought me a plane ticket home. This was not asked of this person, they just did it. I have not met this person in my life or even talked with them on the phone, ever. They were aware of my families situation and my growing frustration with not being back there, especially today since litearlly 13 people asked when I was coming, and I had no answer. This person has no idea what they have done for me today. This is the single nicest thing anyone has ever done for me in my entire life. I was instructed to check my email, and in it was an itinerary, my roomate saw me break out into uncontrollable tears. There still are good people out in the world. God bless them. This just doesn't happen.. and I'm still in shock. Because of this person I'm able to get back to the people who are the most important in my life and do what I need to do, and spend time with those who matter, and be there for the ones who really do need me right now to be a hell of a lot closer than where i'm at right now. What a heart. I don't know what I did to deserve this. Times are hard, and in order for me to afford the move I would need to sell my car, pay off the loan since my dad is the cosigner, and use whatever is hopefully profited still to buy the one way back to Wisconsin. I had posted an ad online on a couple places but couldn't even afford to place a classified ad in the paper. A couple people had showed minimal interest at best. I applied for a personal loan to consolidate my debts and to buy the ticket and just yesterday was declined. Needless to say i've been fucking stressed out and I dont want to be anywhere else but home.
A couple weeks ago a great person opened up thier home to me as a place to stay awhile getting ready for the move, so that I could save more, pay off things faster, and be more comfortable. They are another wonderful blessing and without her who knows if I would have had today happen. It's crazy how things can happen in life. I can't believe how blessed I am today. No words can even begin to express the level of thank yous that I want to yell out to the world. I was in a crying state earlier out of pure happiness and gratitude for these people in my life. I can only hope that someday somehow I am able to in some way do something to balance the good they are showing me in return.
I leave Guam on Saturday May 30th at 4:20am, and arrive in Chicago that evening. I'm still floored at todays events, and am going to cherish these final weeks of living in a place where I'm proud to say is my second home, and filled with some of the most kind-hearted people i've ever had the ability to meet in my lifetime. God bless this island and the people living and from here. Mark my words when I say I will be back to visit.
Many people have told me this little bit of advice today, and I too say to you to pay it forward. Someday it will make sense for you too.
Family is first, and there is just no other way to put it.
Someone who has requested to remain nameless and not be acknowledged was chatting with me today, and bought me a plane ticket home. This was not asked of this person, they just did it. I have not met this person in my life or even talked with them on the phone, ever. They were aware of my families situation and my growing frustration with not being back there, especially today since litearlly 13 people asked when I was coming, and I had no answer. This person has no idea what they have done for me today. This is the single nicest thing anyone has ever done for me in my entire life. I was instructed to check my email, and in it was an itinerary, my roomate saw me break out into uncontrollable tears. There still are good people out in the world. God bless them. This just doesn't happen.. and I'm still in shock. Because of this person I'm able to get back to the people who are the most important in my life and do what I need to do, and spend time with those who matter, and be there for the ones who really do need me right now to be a hell of a lot closer than where i'm at right now. What a heart. I don't know what I did to deserve this. Times are hard, and in order for me to afford the move I would need to sell my car, pay off the loan since my dad is the cosigner, and use whatever is hopefully profited still to buy the one way back to Wisconsin. I had posted an ad online on a couple places but couldn't even afford to place a classified ad in the paper. A couple people had showed minimal interest at best. I applied for a personal loan to consolidate my debts and to buy the ticket and just yesterday was declined. Needless to say i've been fucking stressed out and I dont want to be anywhere else but home.
A couple weeks ago a great person opened up thier home to me as a place to stay awhile getting ready for the move, so that I could save more, pay off things faster, and be more comfortable. They are another wonderful blessing and without her who knows if I would have had today happen. It's crazy how things can happen in life. I can't believe how blessed I am today. No words can even begin to express the level of thank yous that I want to yell out to the world. I was in a crying state earlier out of pure happiness and gratitude for these people in my life. I can only hope that someday somehow I am able to in some way do something to balance the good they are showing me in return.
I leave Guam on Saturday May 30th at 4:20am, and arrive in Chicago that evening. I'm still floored at todays events, and am going to cherish these final weeks of living in a place where I'm proud to say is my second home, and filled with some of the most kind-hearted people i've ever had the ability to meet in my lifetime. God bless this island and the people living and from here. Mark my words when I say I will be back to visit.
Many people have told me this little bit of advice today, and I too say to you to pay it forward. Someday it will make sense for you too.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
The Vehicle
it's 750-something right now am in the morning on tuesday the 5th (happy cinco de mayo!) don't believe the time it says, it's just taking me forever to type because I'm tired and got no sleep. Wow.. got no sleep? It's morning, screw it, I dont care, and I'm writing poorly too, again, because I dont care :)
Anyways, I get a text from emily approx 5 minutes ago.
"Hey jess, i'm getting a van tomorrow, isn't that cool?"
Hell no it's not cool! Vans are the tell tale sign that 1) you're old and have settled for a family vehicle. 2) You're old. and 3) you're old.
The chick needs a car, she has one, with 2 flat tires, that hasn't moved from the curb in front of her house for many months. While home she said I could borrow it to get from A to B but i graciously declined. Besides, it was nice out a lot when it wasn't freezing my nose hairs, so a good walk was needed after cheese curds and other shit I didn't need to eat while there.
And oh yeah, maybe the van thing is cool, because she's still a rebel.. she doesn't have her damn driving license... hahahah.... last time she decided to buy and drive a car without being legal she stamped marijuana leaf stickers all over the thing and always thought the cops were such dicks because she allllllllways seemed to be targeted.
I love her.
Anyways, I get a text from emily approx 5 minutes ago.
"Hey jess, i'm getting a van tomorrow, isn't that cool?"
Hell no it's not cool! Vans are the tell tale sign that 1) you're old and have settled for a family vehicle. 2) You're old. and 3) you're old.
The chick needs a car, she has one, with 2 flat tires, that hasn't moved from the curb in front of her house for many months. While home she said I could borrow it to get from A to B but i graciously declined. Besides, it was nice out a lot when it wasn't freezing my nose hairs, so a good walk was needed after cheese curds and other shit I didn't need to eat while there.
And oh yeah, maybe the van thing is cool, because she's still a rebel.. she doesn't have her damn driving license... hahahah.... last time she decided to buy and drive a car without being legal she stamped marijuana leaf stickers all over the thing and always thought the cops were such dicks because she allllllllways seemed to be targeted.
I love her.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Cosmo Feb 2009
While killing time at my day job I came across last months edition of the wonderful Cosmopolitan magazine. Those who know me are aware that not much of this publication has anything to do with me, I kinda picked it up as a joke to be honest. Moving on, there was a "real-life read" article on Huntington's Disease in there. Showed the picture and told the story of a younger woman who tested positive but wasn't showing many symptoms yet. There was a picture of her feeding her cousin, who is in the later stages of the disease, and it made me stop everything I was doing. Last week at this cafe I go to almost daily, there was a man here with his son, and he had Huntington's as well; this was made clear to me by the lady who's always busting her ass here (yeah I'm there now.) After they left she said how it was so sad to see his decline, and she explained all these wonderful stories and accomplishments he has done in his life. I kept mute and spoke nothing of my sisters situation. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have lived part of my life. her peircings, tattoes, love of rock music etc somewhat made me curious to all it was about. Earlier this morning I was chatting with a good friend about how I was a little on the rebellious side in highschool, and I did this because of admiration for my sis in a way. She wasn't scared to stand out, be a little edgy or look a little different. I credit her for my endless party nights and bad choices, I lived a little :) I could have been smarter a lot of the times, but, it's cool. Pretty pleased with last months copy, although I have to say thier 'guy confessions' are always going to be lame as hell.
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